La vieille a vingt-quatre ans maintenant! The same thing happens every December. I promise myself that now that I’m a year older, I’m going to improve myself by…. But then I have all my happy birthday phone calls/texts/emails/facebook messages (always a few of which are from people whose birthdays I totally forgot that year), and then my big birthday meal (which hasn’t happened yet this year, but I have been promised). So by the afternoon I’m feeling guilty and loved and stuffed full of curry and crème brûlée and it’s cold and dark outside and everything’s closed. So I say, actually I’m going back to bed with my stack of books and DVDs I got as presents and I’ll start my resolutions in six days like everyone else. Ironically, or maybe fittingly, my resolution is usually to stop procrastinating, and this year is no exception. Tomorrow I’m going to start sending out my resume, fill out my FAFSA, and seriously start looking into my study abroad options for the fall semester, no more excuses. Now that I’ve explained that, I can stop feeling guilty and enjoy my last few hours of laziness.

Since people have been asking-highlights of my trip so far: the flight from Miami to Lisbon had surprisingly good food, rice and fish with chunks of tomatoes and cheesecake with some kind of raspberry topping. Watching the in-flight movie, Ruby Sparks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4RJYlSgDKM) was much better than the alternative airplane activity, staring at a blank screen and begging my body to go to sleep. When I landed in Paris I found out that my phone didn’t work, which was cool, so the next day I had to get a new SIM card and thus a new number. I stayed in three hostels: Young and Happy (http://www.youngandhappy.fr/), which I found pretty okay until I realized that there was no hot water in the showers, Blue Planet (http://www.hostelblueplanet.com/), where there was only one key per room and no wifi or electricity in the outlets, and Peace and Love (http://www.paris-hostels.com/), where I stayed on my birthday and was super depressing because it was near where Ader used to live in the dixième and we used to walk past and laugh at the name. It’s an inside joke, hard to explain.

Otherwise I’ve been couchsurfing, and it’s been que du bonheur. I give a different version (all of which are true) of my story about what I’m doing in Paris to each person—I found a cheap ticket, I came to chase my ex and have since reconsidered my strategy, I’m working on a novel, I just needed to be back in France for a while. In any case Paris has been the perfect setting for my six days of being a year older but not at all improved.   

I'm back! I finally have time to write again because I’m between semesters but not enough time/access to the internet to keep everyone individually updated on my adventures. So…I finished my first semester of law school. We don’t get our grades until February, so all I can say now is that 1- law school aint no joke and that 2-I don’t think I flunked out yet.

Miami is warm all the time and therefore inhabited by adorable little lizards and more foreigners than (eww) Americans. Whenever I’m really about to lose my mind I can hop on my bike and in a few minutes either be lying by the pool on campus or at Whole Foods for the free samples of cheese, or if it’s a really good day sushi and popcorn. Plus it’s cheaper and easier to go to New Jersey for the weekend than when I was in Albany, so I went three times last semester. My point is that it’s been bearable, mostly.

As everyone who cares probably knows by now, Rose and Ader are no more, since September 13, 2012. Long story short, even though Ader still loves me, I’m not marriage material, at least not right now, and he’s not getting any younger—his words, translated and paraphrased. I wouldn’t say I’m over it exactly. Losing your best friends, your plans for the future and one of the places you refer to as ‘home’ isn’t something you get over. But after a few weeks the involuntary tears stopped coming at inappropriate times and my appetite and ability to fall asleep came crawling back.

I still have hope that one day—in my day dreams it’s sometime in early May 2015 but it doesn’t have to be—Ader will come around, we’ll pick up where we left off, he’ll come to my graduation, stay and take study breaks with me until I pass the bar exam. Then we’ll move back to Montrouge, I’ll make a dent in my student loans, we’ll move to a bigger apartment in the sezième or somewhere else where the sidewalks don’t smell like urine, quietly get a marriage certificate at a city hall in Paris and then maybe a year later, when I’ve made an even bigger dent in my student loans, we’ll have a kind-of wedding/excuse to have a party in Morocco and then in the US, in a state where gay marriage is recognized, ‘cause that’s only fair. Then sometime after I turn thirty we’ll have a baby girl named Varenne, after the metro station where we used to meet when we first started dating, which isn’t entirely true but you can’t name a baby Place de Châtelet.

And in the meantime, I think I know how I can keep myself occupied. My whole family reads this blog so that’s all I’m going to say on the matter, but those of you with whom I routinely overshare—I’ll fill you in.

I leave for Miami on Sunday, which means I have less than a week of this lazy vacation life. I have been writing and doing my suggested summer reading for law school, but for every hour I spend being studious, I spend an hour melting my brain with Desperate Housewives/skyping Ader/debating which shower gels to pack and which to leave here. I have to spend most of my time inside since I really overdosed on the sun and as a result have cold sores scabbing up all around my mouth. It looks as gross as it sounds. The very tactful nurse practitioner I saw today said it was good that I wasn’t going to see my boyfriend for a few months because “he wouldn’t want to see your face like that, anyway.” So okay, I’ll cool it with the sun for a while.

I’ve seen all my friends I expected to see at least once, and I have a feeling that people will come visit me in Miami, so it’s not super important that I see everyone again, although that would of course be nice. What I need to focus on now is packing and psyching myself up for school. Facebook stalking my classmates was a bad idea, because seeing where everyone did their undergrad was super intimidating. But I’m still feeling pretty confident that I can get back into my schedule of six hours of studying the days I have class and nine hours on the days that I don’t. I managed to do that in Albany, and this time I’m surrounded by people who are just as serious as I am (or let’s keep it real, a lot of them will likely be more serious than I am), and I don’t have to share my living space with anyone. My experience is that living with people you don’t like is awful for all the obvious reasons and living with people you do like leads to spending too much time blending margaritas and gossiping over games of Uno.

And I should be getting to Miami with plenty of time to set up my apartment, learn the bus schedules, and generally prendre le rythme. I get to ride my bike everywhere and I live next to a Whole Foods. Don’t worry, I’d be jealous of me too. I just wish I could go down there knowing some people. But I don’t think that meeting people will be a problem, because generally in my life the things I stress about don’t turn out to be issues at all; the problems are things I never even thought of. When I really get stressed out I can make a countdown of the days until winter break, when either Ader comes here or I go to France (and maybe Munich). After all, my first semester of law school will be over in 136 days.        

I’m back in New Jersey, recovering from Germany. Just kidding. Kind of. My last night in Munich was wonderful. It made me sad(der) to leave. Except I couldn’t wear the dress I wanted to for my going away party because it was too cold. This is in July remember. When I checked into my flight in Munich (in German of course), the guy was like, “Um…why do you have an American passport?” and then when we were about to land in New York, the flight attendant was passing out customs forms and asked me what kind of visa I had to enter the US. It’s flattering, but I don’t like having to admit nationality out loud in public.  

My mom was waiting for me in JFK. After so much traveling alone it was nice to have someone waiting for me at the airport. I just collapsed onto my bed my first night home. It took me literally the whole next day to unpack, or I should say it took me a whole day to figure out how to get all my clothes into my already overstuffed closet. That night we went out to dinner in Atlantic City with my aunt and uncle who were visiting. We had Cuban food and it was lecker. I’m still getting used to this whole English thing.

My best friend, Katie, came down for the weekend. The clouds ruined our beach plans but we had fun on Saturday night, once we got away from the sketchy men at the bar with comically strong Boston accents who wanted to chat about NASCAR. Monday I finally got my beach day with my friend, Emily. My mother had warned me about staying in the sun too long and of course I didn’t listen and now I have sun-induced blisters all around my lips. We went in the water and I thought it would be a great idea to keep my sunglasses on. So now they’re gone. God, my problems are all so first world. Anyway, it was a good beach trip. Scratched that itch, as my mom would say, if she would stop lecturing me about sun damage.

Monday evening I went out to get my split ends trimmed and buy myself some new cheap sunglasses, without my license. That part I realized after I got back. I had given it to Katie to keep in her purse when we went out and forgot to get it back. Oops. At least I got away with it. The rest of the week I spent catching up on my social life here. It’s a good thing I have a pool to invite people to and a father who is willing to drive me around like I’m still a freshman in high school. And since my group of friends who still live here gets smaller every time I come home, I’ve had time to think about law school (scary) and moving to Miami (exciting). I have a stack of books of “suggested summer reading for 1Ls” which I will tackle as soon as I finish choosing pictures to print and hang on the walls of my new apartment.  

I’m at the hostel in Düsseldorf now. I haven’t seen much else of the city because it’s been torrentially down pouring since I got here. A few minutes ago I packed up my things and started heading toward the nice big block of green on my map because I thought the sun was finally out, but I didn’t get very far before it started raining again. So now I’m back here. I’ll keep trying.

So, Salzburg. It’s one of those places where you can close your eyes, randomly point your camera at anything, and take a picture that looks like a post card. The trip there was a bit foggy and we were verbally assaulted by a random man in the train station, but after that things got better. Our hostel was on top of a mountain overlooking the city. We wisely shelled out for the lift instead of trying to climb up with our luggage. The hostel was super cute, run by people in dirndls and lederhosen. We spent the afternoon exploring the city, which entailed climbing a mountain (not the one our hostel was on but another one) and seeing the house where Mozart was born from the outside, because going inside would have cost ten Euros. Nothing in Salzburg is cheap; I survived on margarita pizza and ice cream. It was a nice trip nonetheless, especially the second day when the weather cooperated and we bought a first-class Bayern ticket off a guy at the train station for what we were about to spend on a regular ticket.

Monday morning I got the bus to Stuttgart. The trip was longer than expected because the highway was closed, but it’s not like I was in a rush. Schlepping my suitcase to the hostel was a bit tiring but once I actually got there it was perfect—clean and quiet. My room had six beds but I only shared it with one other person and the internet was free and fast. I had a nice nap and chat on skype with Ader and my mom for the first time post-storm. Tuesday I had a nice stroll around the city before settling on a bench in the beautiful garden outside the Schloss to write. My only complaint about the hostel is that the bathroom had windows but no light, so I couldn’t take a shower at night and had to go to bed kind of sweaty.

Yesterday I carpooled to Düsseldorf. That was the only part if the trip I was kind of nervous about because I had arranged it on the phone in German, so even though I thought everything was clear (and it was), I worried that I would miss my ride because of some misunderstanding and then not have enough money to get all the way up here. But my worries were unfounded, and so far everything’s been going according to plan. Knock on wood with me.        

I’m back in Munich, until tomorrow. Leaving Paris is always hard. Saying goodbye to Ader is always hard. And unless some miraculous opportunity wants to prevent itself very soon, this is going to be the longest stretch of time we’ve had to go without seeing each other. So there were some tears at the Gare de l’Est on Wednesday afternoon. The last few days before I left I managed to keep it together though. While I generally don’t think that ignoring reality is advisable, I made a conscious effort not to think any further than what we were having for dinner that night. Denial was surprisingly easy and allowed me to just enjoy much more of the two weeks than I would have otherwise.

I spent one day getting my mom her lentilles du Puy and searching every Celio in Paris for a jacket for Ader in the right size and color. It took me the entire day because there are a lot of Celios in Paris…and because I couldn’t resist poking around every fnac, H&M and Sephora that I passed. I didn’t buy a single thing for myself though because I’m out of money for things that aren’t completely essential and out of space in my suitcase. And out of space in my part of the closet in Ader’s apartment. And in my room in New Jersey.

Ader made me go through all my things at his place and decide what I could give/throw away. Some of the clothes I was hanging on to were unflattering on me or wouldn’t look good on anyone. They were easy to get rid of. But then there were all my bottles of unopened mouthwash and enough pairs of leggings and tank tops to suggest that I have some kind of disorder. I had to compromise and get rid of some of those. A few things I couldn’t get rid of even though they don’t serve any purpose, like my agenda from the spring semester of my sophomore year of college where I wrote down our first date.

On the train back to Munich I was sitting next to a family of very stereotypical Americans, so I don’t feel like I completely got to avoid all the fourth of July obnoxiousness. Side note: I am kind of proud of myself for staying out of the US on July fourth for four years in a row now (Stockholm, Paris, Paris, Paris and Munich). But then Johann and Delphine met me in the Hauptbahnhof and I’ve been too distracted to feel sorry for myself since then. They’ve been so incredibly nice letting me stay with them, that the least I can do is honor Johann’s request that I mention in my blog our traditional German crepes and cider. One drinks the cider out of a mug that looks (to me, a non-Bretonne) like a coffee mug but is not for coffee, only for cider.

Tomorrow I’m going to Salzburg, which I’m really looking forward to. Actually I have nothing but things to look forward to for the next few weeks.     

I get to stay in Paris until July fourth. I found a train for 39 Euros. I forgot how cheap traveling can be when you can choose your own dates. Until then I’m just trying to savor everything because it’s likely that Ader and I won’t see each other again until December. (The second weekend of July is a no-go.) There is a shred of hope though because he had an interview on Monday that he said went especially well, for a French company that often sends people to the States, even if there are no specific openings in the Miami area at the moment. If that doesn’t work out we’re running out of options. Our next best idea is for Ader to go to the open casting for a Walmart commercial that we found in south Florida.

Yesterday we spent the day browsing bookstores, cooking together and reading in the park. Today it’s raining, so we slept in, went to Chipotle, and now we’re at Bibliothèque Marguerite Yourcenar, the only library in Paris open on Sundays. Chipotle was basically the same as in the States, but even more expensive. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that a restaurant smack in the middle of the world’s most touristic city was expensive, but 9 Euros for a veggie burrito? That’s…never mind, I don’t want to think about how many dollars that is. Also not surprisingly the portions were smaller because the burritos weren’t overstuffed like at an American Chipotle. They were easier to eat, but now I’m still kind of hungry, even though we got chips too. The rice tasted a little too healthy for my liking, but the chips were kind if limey, which I enjoyed.

This week we’re going to the movies to see Un bonheure n’arrive jamais seul (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJD5-PS0yLQ) with our boy Gad, and another day Ader’s taking me to the aquarium (“si tu es sage”).  While he’s at work I’m going to tap into some of my self-discipline and go running and write as much as possible because I’m really out of excuses for not being productive. But mostly I just want to enjoy living en couple and having an incredibly cute ally and best friend with me who can make me laugh just by saying guacamole or making his yeux de gorilla. No one else in the whole world can do that, or even knows what I’m talking about. But going back to Germany won’t be all bad. Since I’ll be here to put money in my French bank account I won’t have to carry around a stressful amount of cash as I was expecting to have to. Plus I have my going away party to plan which should be pretty well-attended, before it’s back to reality.

Well, I’m in Paris. Sunday night we were driving home from Allgäu, and Beata told me that whenever I wanted to leave I could. I had originally asked if I could leave around June 16 and she had told me that I could if they could find someone to replace me. But then I didn’t hear any more about it, so I assumed I would have to stay until July. I assumed wrong. I looked online and saw that I could carpool to Paris for 40 Euros on Tuesday morning, so I sent Ader an email (“J’arrive mardi, d’accord?”). Monday I packed all my things and left. As I was packing, Beata said that no one was kicking me out and that I could stay longer if I needed to. I politely said that I didn’t. I planned on sleeping in a hostel, but then some French friends offered to let me crash at their place. I really owe them.

I was in the car from 7:30 in the morning until 5:30 at night on Tuesday, but I got all the way to Paris for the cost of getting caught without the proper ticket on the Munich S-Bahn. Ader had to work late so I spent an hour at Starbucks. Not wanting to drink caffeine and mess up my sleep cycle, I got something with strawberries. Except even though it was expensive enough, it wasn’t made with real strawberries but some really artificial tasting red syrup. It was gross, just warning you. Then I schlepped my suitcase out to Montrouge to meet Ader at home. One thing I’ve learned from traveling around so much is that if you look pathetic enough trying to get an enormous suitcase up or down stairs anywhere in the world, somebody will stop and help you, guaranteed. Try it, if you don’t believe me…Maybe it only works for girls.

Tuesday night was perfect. Ader and I talked and folded laundry and made spaghetti. Then I fell asleep while Ader watched the soccer game. I woke up around five the next morning, not to a baby crying or people arguing in Polish, but to Ader saying, “Viens dans mes bras.” I went back to sleep until eleven. I didn’t get out of the house until two because I’m completely out of space in the closet and had to organize my massive amounts of clothes. Plus I was enjoying all the un-blocked music videos on youtube. I put my last month of pay in my French bank account, took out a book from the library, and came to Parc George-Brassens to enjoy the sun. I’m not sure yet exactly what’s going to happen over the next few weeks but for the first time in a while I have a genuinely good feeling.

It finally feels like summer! My shoulders are burnt, but in a good way, like crème brûlée. I have to work all weekend, but that means that one day next week I’ll be free. And there are only three weeks left of my German class and of work. I’m already thinking about coming to Munich for a week or so in December, if I survive my first semester of law school. But okay, I’m not going to think about that right now. I have the details of a trip to plan--backpacking through the parts of Germany and Austria that I haven’t seen yet for ten days in July.

To make things interesting my back up credit card expires at the end of June, which means I’m going to have to be really careful to stick to a budget. But I got this. I can definitely stick to eating on 10 Euros a day if I stuff my suitcase with instant noodles, baking chocolate (it’s 1/3 the price of regular chocolate) and the Pringles that make me just nauseous enough to not want to eat so I can skip buying a few meals if need be. Oops, that last piece of information is going to concern a few people. I promise I’ll stop doing this to my body as soon as I get back to the States. I might even start wearing sunscreen if I’m moving to Miami and the sun will no longer be such a rare treat.

Anyway, the first two days of my adventure I’ll be in Salzburg with two friends, then it’s back to Munich for one night. Then I take the bus to Stuttgart by myself. Why Stuttgart? Because it only costs 9 Euros to get there. I spend two nights there and carpool to Dusseldorf for 24 Euros. I’m a little nervous about traveling in a stranger’s car, but not too much because first of all, it’s Germany, plus I know plenty of people who have carpooled without any problem. Then I spend at least two nights in Dusseldorf. Then I don’t have anything booked for the weekend because Ader might still get the weekend off and we could meet somewhere. Then on July seventeenth I fly from Cologne back to Munich. Flying is, bizarrely, the cheapest way to go. Then I’m back in Munich for one night to have a going away party and therefore am not booking a hostel.

Then it’s back to New Jersey at ten in the morning on July eighteenth via Berlin and New York. I’m excited to see my family again, and a hand full of friends. Although my social life is overall better in Germany, muss ich sagen. It’s not so much the quality of individual people but the number of quality of people and their availability. I still don’t know how to feel.

A month from now it’ll be the last day of my German class, and my last day as an au pair. That much I’m happy about, but I will be a little sad to leave Munich. Unlike almost all of my friends from Paris who left at the end of the school year, most of my friends from Munich intend to stay. At least I should have a well-attended goodbye party and places to stay when I come back and visit.

The next four days are going to be long. Julia’s daycare is closed so I’ll be home with her the whole day Thursday and Friday. Then it depends on when Beata gets back from Poland. If it’s before this weekend we’ll probably go to Allgäu, which means working through the weekend and coming back super late on Sunday and being tired for another week. Yay. But I shouldn’t complain too much about work, it’s not that bad. If I do have to work this next weekend I’ll get one day next week or the following weekend off, and then maybe I could take another day trip to somewhere in Bavaria. On Sunday I went to Augsburg with three other au pairs. Even thought the weather didn’t cooperate we had fun. We say the world’s oldest social settlement (http://www.fugger.de/) and some obnoxiously ornate churches. And since we were able to share one ticket, the whole trip only cost 7,50€.

I finally got paid on Monday (I was supposed to get paid May sixteenth). My 260€ were delivered with a promise to get paid on time the next month. We’ll see how that goes. I’m starting to adore Julia more and more. Her imitation of a rooster is literally the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. I also enjoy listening to her count, because she hasn’t yet figured out that numbers go in a particular order. (“One…seven…four…ten!”) It’ll be hard to say goodbye to that peanut. But after I do I might go to Paris for a week to get in a little more time with Ader before we don’t see each other again in person until maybe--cringe--December. And now that there is a Chipotle in Paris, one more week there just seems all the more appealing.

But if Ader’s going to be on a business trip that week then I’ll spend my days off visiting the parts of Germany I haven’t seen yet—Hamburg, Cologne, Essen and maybe Dortmund. When I get back I have a list of people I need to visit with, shows I need to catch up on, and things to eat. I’ve kind of given up hope on Rutgers. True, it would be way cheaper and closer to my friends and family, but I’ve gotten very used to the idea of the eternal summer in Miami.  

I’ve been keeping this blog up for over a year now, which means that my gap year is almost up and I’ll be back in school alarmingly soon. Like any other period of my life, this past year didn’t go exactly as I’d expected. Being an au pair turned out to be an even less glamorous job than I’d thought. Two hundred and sixty Euros is way less money than I had originally thought. As for my novel and my German skills I can’t decide if I’m satisfied with my progress or not, but that there has been progress on both is undeniable.

I was also naively confident at the beginning of this year that Rutgers would take one look at my grades, my LSAT score and my New Jersey residency and accept me with open arms. I’m still on the waiting list. I was also naively confident that one of the companies that was calling Ader and begging him to come in for an interview would offer him a job and a three year project in whichever US city I wound up in. He’s still looking for something. Even if he found and accepted a job in Miami today, he still has to give his current company three months notice before leaving. So it’s basically guaranteed that I’ll be starting law school alone.

Even so, I’m excited about the next few months. Work is almost over. I told Beata that I’m definitely leaving by July 6^th, and sooner if she finds a replacement for me sooner. I would of course still like to leave earlier and have more time to travel/see my friends/write, but I’m not so anxious to go now that I was promised at least one day a week free. I’m working this weekend and every day next week, but next weekend I’m not working at all and (fingers crossed) I’ll be home alone. Beata is supposed to take Julia to Allgäu and I’m really really hopeful that Gregor won’t be back from wherever he is by then. I also don’t have my German classes for the next two weeks, which gives me six free mornings.

Then in the beginning of July I’m either going to Paris—it depends on if Ader has to go on a business trip or not—or traveling around Germany for a week. Then it’s back to Munich for the last weekend (maybe with Ader if I’m lucky) to throw myself a goodbye party. Then I have about a week in New Jersey to  see everyone and go to a real beach, and then (assuming that Rutgers doesn’t come around) I’ll have to go down to Miami and get myself set up there before the first day of classes on August 21, which I’m finally feeling ready for.

It’s not possible to die of boredom because I’m still alive. If every weekend is going to be like this I’m definitely going to ask if I can leave early. I just need to figure out how early I can afford to go because I do want to squeeze in one more German class. It’s not like it’s torture here in Allgäu. In some ways it’s actually better here-I sleep in a room with windows, there’s plenty of good healthy food to eat, and I like Helmer about a million times better than I like Gregor. However. It’s sooooo boring here. I miss having a social life, the majority of which took place on the weekends, and I miss having at least one day of the week completely free. (According to my contract I should have two.)

I’ll admit that taking care of Julia isn’t hard, and it’s usually even pretty enjoyable. Still, I don’t want to do it every single day between now and July eighteenth. I’d still need to look but I think June 16^th would be a good day to go. That would leave me just over four weeks free. For two of them I’d probably have to live in a hostel so I could finish my class, which ends on July 4^th, then I’d probably go to Paris for a week and a half, then back to Munich because that’s where I fly out of, and I’d like to see all my friends one last time. Yep, sounds like a plan. I guess I just need to wait for the right moment to ask now.

But then I would probably be keener on staying if, for example, we set something up where my Taschengeld would be automatically transferred into my account and I only had to come here every other weekend. Okay, it will have to be discussed. But if I do get to go earlier I could really take advantage of the Bayern Ticket and see more of Bavaria. And without any real time restrictions I could use the Schönes-Wochenende-Ticket to go to other places in Germany I’m always saying I want to visit like Hamburg and Cologne and Essen. Actually, a long train ride sounds really nice. Pack some sandwiches and books and inflatable neck pillow…is it weird that that sounds like heaven to me right now? Like if a genie popped out of a bottle right now that’s what I’d wish for?

Well, no matter what I’m going to Paris on May sixteenth. Actually, I’m leaving Munich on May 16^th, spending a night in the airport in Brussels, and then getting to Paris first thing in the morning on the seventeenth. And then we’re going to Disney and a chateau that I don’t remember the name of which also has a zoo and a botanical garden. My point is that I have a lot to look forward to, I just need to remind myself sometimes.   

I haven’t been doing the best job of keeping this blog updated. Now I understand why there are grants for people to not have to work at all while they write. Julia’s in daycare from 8am to 4 or 5 pm, and still all of my various writing projects are progressing glacially slow. My German class/increased household duties now that Patrycja’s gone take up my mornings, until about 10:30 or 11:00. Then I’m hungry, and although it’s tempting to just grab a pretzel or falafel and keep going, I can’t really afford that. So I have to go/stay home and cook something, which takes at least another half hour. Then I have another hour bus/S-Bahn ride into Munich.

More often than not I’m going into the city for social reasons. Meeting with friends during the week is good for my sanity and my German (or sometimes my French) and kind of necessary since I don’t have time on the weekends anymore. Sometimes I go to the library to write, but not so often and only for an hour or so, because at two or three I have to head home and make Julia’s bottles and walk to the daycare. That takes some time, and I have to get there early enough to get Julia’s shoes on her and convince her to relinquish whichever other child’s toy she’s been playing with.

Then I have to take care of her until one of her parents comes home. That could be any time between six and eleven. But even if it’s early, I don’t have a quiet place at home to work, and the library is an hour away and closes at seven. Now things may get a little better because I can sit outside and write, although that would probably have to be at some kind of café, and I’m back to the limited money problem. I guess I could go back to the city at that point and sit in a park, but that takes an hour each way and then I still have to come home and clean the kitchen and Julia’s toys and get to bed at a reasonable time.

So I panic at little when I realize that I only have 80 days left in Germany and not much more time before I have to go to back to school. So I’ve gotten around to thinking about leaving my job a month early. I don’t need a visa to stay in Germany any more since it’s fewer than 90 days now, and my parents just deposited an embarrassingly large gift in my bank account for traveling. So the fact that I don’t really have to be an au pair any more, combined with the fact that I get paid late and don’t generally have free time on weekends makes it tempting to duck out early. Still just an idea though.     

Today was my first day of school! It wasn’t bad. The teacher was no Connie. Actually, her name is also Connie, but she’s not like my teacher in Munich, personality-wise. She seems to really stick to the text book, which is fine I guess when the class only lasts an hour and a half. It’s so short because we’re only six people—three au pairs and three house wives. I can’t remember anyone’s names yet, but the other au pairs are from Georgia (the country) and China. Two of the housewives are from Brazil and one is from Sweden. The Swedish lady brought her dog to class. One of the Brazilian ladies, by way of introducing herself, told everyone that her favorite book was the bible. Everyone seems nice, even if I don’t foresee myself becoming close friends with any of them. 
 
And since the Neubiberg VHS is right next to the S-Bahn, I can easily go into the city for a few hours before I have to come home and start getting myself ready to go pick up Julia. So I pretty much know what my life will look like for the next two weeks until Ader gets here. I keep thinking about all the things we can do with four whole days and (I’m still hoping) nice weather. I’ve still got things on my list of touristy things to do in Munich, plus we could get a Bayern-ticket and take a trip, maybe to Salzburg.

I know I’m probably worrying for nothing, but I haven’t heard anything about my visa yet. On April 12, I’m going to have to have my visa or leave the EU for thirty days. I really hope that doesn’t have to happen, because if I go home for a month in April, I don’t know if there will be much of a point/enough money in my bank account to come back for the first half of summer.

But okay, I’m probably worrying about nothing. My visa came just in time once before, and that was when I was trying to navigate everything myself. So anyway, if things go as planned, Easter weekend will be nice. Either I’ll be joining Beata and Gregor and Julia on their trip to Belgium and meet Ader in Brussels or Paris Amsterdam, or I’ll have a super-peaceful three-day weekend here in Munich. And then in May we may take a long weekend and go to London. In June maybe we’ll go somewhere with a beach, and in July I come back to New Jersey.

For the moment it looks like I’m going to accept my fate of being in debt and go to Miami, unless Rutgers has some good news they want to send my way very soon.

Friday I thought it might be spring. I know it’s still February, but I thought a premature end to winter could be like our reward for putting up with all the snow and negative teen temperatures in the first month and a half of 2012. 99% of the snow melted away this weekend, and on our way back from the Kinderkrippe I took my coat off because I was sweating. Saturday morning was disappointing because it was overcast and jacket weather again. But okay, even if it isn’t quite spring yet, Julia and Beata are both healthy again, which means this week I’ll have a big chunk of time to myself during the days. 
 
Last week I thought the same thing, but Beata was home the entire time, Julia was still sick on Monday, and Tuesday was a holiday so I had to pick her up at noon. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I should have had time to myself, but with Beata at home I always found myself stuck in conversations about genetically modified soy beans or origami or the bad experience her friend had with US customs with no polite way to get myself out. So I didn’t get much writing done last week which stressed me out a bit.

It also didn’t help that Gregor came back on Wednesday night unexpectedly. Gregor is Julia’s father, and he sometimes lives with us, but his exact relationship with Beata is kind of unclear. All I know is that Gregor isn’t allowed to know about Helmer (Beata’s German boyfriend who lives in the Alps), and Helmer isn’t allowed to know about Gregor. Anyway, Gregor, while I guess being what one would call a ‘nice guy’ is also kind of annoying. Last night for example, he thought it would be appropriate to interrupt my pre-sleep reading ritual so that I could come translate the French song in the movie he was watching. But Gregor does make my job easier. He takes care of Julia and takes out the biomull, which is the only trash I really mind taking out. And for the moment he seems to have himself a day job.

So I’m optimistic that this week will be better. Not that last week was anywhere near as tortuous as a typical week with my last family. And this week is my last week before my German class starts again. I’m taking the Monday-Wednesday-Friday one in the suburbs. I signed up on Friday. And Ader is coming in 18 days! And after that long weekend, we might be seeing each other over Easter, maybe in Brussels or Amsterdam? But I don’t want to think too far ahead and jinx it…          

I forgot, until about mid-morning yesterday, that it was Valentine’s Day. They really don’t celebrate here. I guess that’s okay. Next week is Fasching, the vacation before lent. It doesn’t mean much for me, except that I have a little break before my next German class starts, and that I have a larger selection of doughnuts to choose from at the bakery.

Speaking of my next German class, I don’t know where that’s going to be. The test I took on Saturday was a rip off. Instead of lasting from ten to twelve, it lasted half an hour tops. It was on line and cost and additional five Euros (a surprise), and consisted only of paragraphs with missing words that needed to be filled in. That was it. Why I needed to go all the way to the Gasteig on a Saturday morning and pay a total of fifteen Euros for something that was graded automatically by the computer is beyond me. The best part is that according to the results, I should go back to A2, the course I took when I first got here five months ago. The lady I spoke with after the test was unwilling to consider that this evaluation was inaccurate or entertain the possibility of me skipping a level.

So my choices are a class in Ottobrunn (the town next to Putzbrunn) and a class in Perlach, the neighborhood of Munich closest to Putzbrunn (although still farther away than Ottobrunn). The class in Ottobrunn is the one Beata would prefer that I take. It’s taught by the same teacher who taught Patrycja’s last class. Based on what I hear, she’s not great. But I’ve only heard the opinion of two people, neither of whom have world views identical to my own. It’s conceivable then that I would like this teacher even if Arina and Patrycja don’t. It’s Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, which limits my opportunities for taking long weekend trips. But, it’s only from 9-10:30, so I’d still have a large chunk of time before I’d have to pick up Julia. Plus, it’s cheaper by about 100 Euros, and I think that’s the main reason why Beata prefers it.

I don’t know anything about the teacher for the class in Munich. I know this is unfair and illogical, but I have this prejudice that the teachers who get to work in Munich proper must be better than the ones who got pushed out to the suburbs. I don’t know why I think that way, and I could totally be wrong, but the thought exists in my head nonetheless. It’s Monday through Thursday, which gives me at least the illusion of a three day weekend, and lasts from 9-12:15. The positive side is that I’d learn more German; the negative is that I’d have less time for writing and such. I still need to think…       

I hate winter. It’s been about the same temperature of the single coldest day I experienced in Albany for two weeks straight now. I was half an hour late for class on Tuesday morning because the roads were freshly coated with more snow and ice and the bus was driving slower than I could have walked. Not really though because if I would have walked I would have died of hypothermia. I wouldn’t have been the first person in Europe this winter. Insider every building the floors are coated with melted dirty snow. I would love to just hibernate but I can’t.

Tomorrow I’m taking a test to see if I can skip a level in my German class. It’s not that I think I speak German especially well, but I have learned the language before. Just about everything in B1 is a review. It’s a much needed review, but ich langweile mich when I’m in a class with people who are processing all the information for the first time. And there’s a chance that this next course will be my last. It’ll probably last until about May, and after that I don’t know if I’ll be able to take another one that finishes before I go back to the States on July eighteenth. So if I can be done with the Mittelstufe classes before I go to law school, then I can feel better about adding to my resume that I speak German.

It’s been decided that I start working next Thursday, February sixteenth, which is also my last day of class. And then it’s exactly a month until Ader comes to visit. I’ve taken my vacation days and booked our hotel and he’s booked his train. This time we’re doing a proper long weekend, unlike when he came in November and only stayed for the two shortest days of my life.

Speaking of adorable international couples…I know February is a little early to start thinking about what I want for Hanukah 2012/my twenty fourth birthday, but I went to a book reading last Saturday for The Globalization of Love by Wendy Williams and now I really want to read it. If you google Wendy Williams you come up with the talk show host—the author I saw is a different Wendy Williams. She’s a Canadian who married an Austrian and wrote her book based on her own experiences plus interviews she did with other ‘glo-lo’ couples (her term).

It got me thinking it might be interesting to try and write a non-fiction book that way, maybe about the experience of being an Au Pair? At least then I’ve found one use for my German.   

  

It’s February! 2012 is already one twelfth over, and, more importantly, it’s the last full month of winter…I sincerely hope. And only thirteen days until Valentine’s Day, fifteen days left in my German class, and at most nineteen days until I start working again. Valentine’s Day isn’t such a big deal, but I do enjoy the cards and chocolates and the consequential slight lift in the collective mood. The super cheap candy the day after is nice too. At least that’s what I’ve come to expect of Valentine’s Day. But who knows, this is the first time I’m spending it in Germany.

It will be nice to not have to commute one hour each way anymore. And I’m interested to find out who my next teacher and new classmates will be. In other words, I get to experience the nerdy excitement of the first day of school all over again. But I’m also kind of nervous that my next teacher is going to suck and that I won’t like any of the other people in my class. That can happen. I’ve heard stories. Unfortunately, as far as I know there’s nothing equivalent to rate my professor for the Münchner Volkshochschule, so all I can do is hope that I like my next class as much as I like my current one.

I’m also kind of looking forward to working again. As thrifty as I try to be, Munich is freaking expensive and I have spent (almost) all of the money from my generous Christmas/birthday gifts. I’m obviously not going to get paid on my first day of work, but if will be nice to take that first step towards no longer being broke. Actually I guess the first step was finding the job, so the second step. I’ll also have to spend more time at home, which will eliminate some expenses like the krapfen I buy at Ostbahnhof almost daily because it’s an excuse to go into a warm bakery while waiting for my bus, and I need something to tide me over for the long ride back to Putzbrunn. Healthy choice, I know.

I’m not sure if once I start working I’ll get the bedroom and it will be Patrycja who sleeps in the living room. In a way, that seems only faire since that’s part of how an au pair is paid, with her own room. But I would also feel awkward kicking Patrycia out. If she offers to switch and really sound like she wouldn’t mind then we’ll switch. If not (and I’m expecting not) then I’ll continue sleeping in the living room until April when she goes back to Poland, which is fine.

The other good thing about February is that it’s short, so before I know it, it will be March and I’ll have my long weekend with Ader, wherever that may be.     

So I know I said I would update this a week ago. I lied, sorry. Not that sorry though because I don’t think anyone noticed or cared. Anyway, the rest of my day in Belgrade: The abandoned factory, although creepy-looking on the outside, on the inside contained cute little clothing boutiques, practice space/small concert venues for local bands, and at the top a café with a view of the entire city. It’s not the kids of building that could exist in Western Europe (with the possible exception of Berlin). 
 

Stefan got me back to where I needed to pick up the bus back to the airport. I would still be wandering around Belgrade right now if I had tried to navigate the city by myself. Most of the streets, if labeled at all, are labeled in Cyrillic, rendering the English map I picked up at the airport next to useless. Before saying goodbye, Stefan told me there was no point in buying a ticket for the bus ride because in the unlikely event of a control I would just say I was foreign and confused (not untrue). There was no control, but a group of little girls did get on the bus to sing and then ask for money. Unlike in Paris where people who ask strangers for money on public transportation are lucky to get one centime, I think literally every person on the bus (besides me, which I kind of regret) gave these girls (paper!) money.

Back at the airport, my search for postcards was unfruitful. Whoever said that Belgrade was not a tourist city was not kidding. While poking around the duty free shop it began to hit me how tired I was. On the two hour flight back to Vienna I slept so soundly that I really felt like the flight lasted a minute at most. But I had one more night at the airport in front of me. And the cold that I had almost entirely recovered from was back in full-swing. The only positive part about that night was that I learned that McDonalds has really good iced chai lattes, and they’ll even make them with soy milk.

At four o’clock on Saturday morning, check-in for my flight to Munich (über Düsseldorf) opened. I don’t know if it was because I looked like I was dying or maybe it was because I was polite and spoke German (unlike the other American girl in line in front of me who threw a hissy fit because she had to pay extra for her overweight suitcase), the lady at the counter hooked me up with an entire row to myself on both flights. After an excruciating (only because I was so tired and sick) S-Bahn/bus ride back to Putzbrunn, I collapsed on my air mattress and slept for an entire day and then an entire night. And that is just the latest ordeal that I had to go through to live in Germany. I hope Deutschland appreciates it.          

It still feels weird to be twenty three and it still feels a little weird that it’s 2012. My concentration hasn’t gotten any better with age. Right now I’m just staring out the window at the snow and hoping that spring comes early this year because I am sooooo sick of my feet and ears and the tip of my nose freezing no matter what I do or wear. Anyway, the fun part of winter (the part where people give me presents) is already over. Spring coming early is more likely to happen than me going back in time and continually reliving the three lazy weeks I spent in Paris, although that would also be nice.
  

My last day there Ader took the day off from work and we went gallivanting around ridiculously priced stores but only bought 5€ worth of really fancy really yummy caramels. Then he helped me pack and we went to the Gare de l’Est together and--this is a major advantage of train travel over flying—we made faces at each other through the window until the train pulled away, and then we talked on the phone until we went to sleep. I had a row to myself so I slept, not very soundly, until we got to Munich at seven the next morning. I caffeinated up and went to class.

Then last Thursday night I flew to Vienna and spent the night in the airport which is, by the way, the second coldest airport I’ve ever been in. Friday morning I flew to Belgrade as the sun was coming up. At customs, mercifully, the only question was “Have you ever been to Serbia before?” I was afraid it would appear suspicious or at least bizarre that I was coming to a country that virtually no tourists visit, where I knew no one, for only ten hours, but I guess not.

My bus ride into the city only cost, in Euros, 1.40. Sure, it was on an old school bus donated from somewhere in Western Europe, but still a bargain compared to the 11€ it costs to get to the Munich airport. I still had some time before I was supposed to meet Stefan, a law student from Belgrade whom I had contacted on couch surfing to show me around, so I got a coffee for 80¢ and tried to stay awake and not be bothered by the smoking which is, apparently, allowed everywhere.

We met in the main square under the statue of Prince Mihailo. There were various new reports being filmed while I was waiting. I tried to stay out of the shots, but I may have been on Serbian news that night. Stefan and I took another bus that went past all the foreign embassies and some buildings that were bombed in the 90s and haven’t been reconstructed since. We got out in front of what I thought was an abandoned factory and went inside. Okay, that seems like a suspenseful enough place to stop. I have laundry to fold. More tomorrow.