Technically, summer just started on Friday, but my internship is half over and my half birthday is on Tuesday. I’ve been experiencing a lot of where-the-hell-is-the-time-going stress recently. I keep thinking how I could have done things differently: If I had signed up for the six year joint bachelors/JD program in Albany, I’d already be done with law school and studying for the bar now. That’s just an example. I’m not saying I wish I had sacrificed undergrad electives, a year in Paris and a year in Germany just to stay in Albany and get out of school faster. And the thought of looking for a real job right now is terrifying, especially a career that wouldn’t allow me the kind of vacation time I have now. How many more chances am I going to get to bum around Europe for weeks at a time? That’s exactly the kind of thought that makes me have to lie down.

So what am I so upset about? That at twenty four and a half years old I don’t feel like a real grown up? Or that I’m getting dangerously close to the end of this phase of my life where being selfish and unfocused is still kind of okay? Can it be both? At this point in my thought process I start to hate myself for sounding like a spoiled child. I’ve gathered from general life experience that self-loathing is something a lot of people, especially women, experience often if not constantly. I generally feel pretty good about myself, so on those rare occasions, it really stings when I hear a voice in my head saying, “Rose, you seriously suck. No wonder you couldn’t get a paid internship this summer, no wonder you’re still single, no wonder people you thought were your friends ignore your attempts to get in touch with them. Because tu es nulle.” (The voice in my head speaks franglais.) And see, I’ve found a way to complain about the fact that my self-esteem is generally pretty high. I’m unbearable.

Let’s talk about something else.

Not work—all the juicy stories from there are confidential.

Not other things on my mind—I’m not going to talk about people here who may read this.

I could shut up, but instead I will share these random pieces of advice:

Vanilla hemp milk=delicious. But you have to shake it up first, otherwise the first glass will be vanilla hemp water, which is considerably less delicious.

If there is road kill that you have to talk past on your way to the metro in South Miami, and you keep hoping that someone will clean it up before it causes you any more emotional disturbances, stop hoping and find a new way to walk to the metro.

If you buy a non-returnable, non-exchangeable train ticket from SNCF, at least opt to print it out yourself. If you choose to pick it up from a machine at the train ticket, you will have a much harder time selling it to someone else if your love life takes a sudden turn for the better.

That’s all the wisdom I acquired this week.